Tag Archive for polo

Crusher | February 7, 2013
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Cold Sweat, Busted MILKS, Chilly Knees

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Polo last night was exactly what I needed. Fast, intense games with lots of laughing and tequila. There were some one-sided sweeps like when Hylon, Yeager and I completely destroyed Lumberjack, Horse, and Karl (history isn’t written by the winners, guys. It’s written by the guy with a website, ftw). Overall, though, it was just a great night of very competitive games that somehow didn’t come off as overly serious or “tourney practice.”

We did have some frustrations though. For one thing, Lumberjack somehow left one of his mallets – yes, dear reader, the very mallet which had the MILK head I gave him out of the kindness of my heart - at the court last time he played. Well, some crooked bastards found it and decided “how can I make sure that everyone who finds this mallet despairs for the human species” and proceeded to slam it on the ground/run over it/dry hump it into oblivion: 

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I mean – come on, man. Come on.

20130206_173820_resizedSurprisingly (or unsurprisingly if you really like MILK heads), Lumberjack was able to use the mallet for the entire night. Even all jacked up like this. Sure, it probably affected his game a little, but I was impressed that, after being assaulted by a deranged walrus, it still managed to work as a decent mallet.

 

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Crusher | January 28, 2013
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Monday Morning Bike Polo Strategy: J Block

J block (6)

Bike polo strategy is often maligned by those who think the two are oxymorons. You go out, you hit the ball around until you get it in the goal, or you curse a lot and get drunk.

And we all know how fun that particular strategy is.

But let’s–just for the sake of Monday fun–say that you want to work on some strategerie for your next pickup day or tourney. Well, why not try this mediocre-ly named strategy I’ve often seen a few of our top level players pull off in pickup (often on me, and often resulting in my hopping off my bike and chasing someone down like an anamorphic toad):

I say, give me back that ball, ye douche!

I say, give me back that ball, ye douche!

The setup is simple: the opposing team has possession and you want to get that ball away from them. While this is generally the aim of most games (getting the ball away from the opposing team), this little maneuver can help you do so quickly while at the same time eliminating a potential threat to the scoring teammate.

Just a note: this whole move is really a matter of seconds – don’t let the slowness of showing how it’s done make you think it takes half of the game. Also note that I’ll be using Tagamigrams™. Read more

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Crusher | January 21, 2013
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Middle Of The Road Isn’t Good Enough, Chum.

middle road

If you peel back the thick make-up of your own self-deprecation and personal disgust, you can agree that you’re not a half bad player.

No, really. I mean it. You’re alright.

Dependable, sure footed on your bike and able to make some pretty spectacular plays every once and a while. Sure – you’re not fielding calls from Call Me Daddy or anything, but when you go to a tourney people don’t just say that they saw you play – they actually watch and shit talk you, which is always a good sign.

So you’re ok. A solid “decent” on the completely ambiguous scale of playing bike polo.

This article is for you, friend.

There is a huge gap between and alright player and a great player – much more of a gap, I believe, than the one between a novice player and an alright player. I bring this up because I don’t want you to think that knowing a few more tricks or skills will bump you from midrange to top tier—it won’t. At best, it will make you inch up just a little bit in your personal “ranking”, which is a tricky thing when you’re a middle-of-the-road bike polo player. Read more

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Horse | January 15, 2013
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I Can’t Quit You

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I have not been playing much polo for the past 3 months. I made up a bunch of excuses as to why I was going to be taking a break. Excuses. Tell me the last time an excuse was the whole truth… Quite simply my life was getting out of balance, and setting polo aside for a season was one of the more easy steps toward restoring balance. I let life trump polo. You say life IS polo. I say it is not. Read more

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Crusher | January 3, 2013
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What I learned, Frigid Cold Polo Edition

the wall

Polo last night was the coldest night for Lancaster United in the winter season. Coming in at a toasty 20 something degrees (which felt like 17, according to the weather witchpriests at WGAL 8), we had to bundle up and try to ignore cold toes until the frostbite set in.

The cold didn’t necessarily have an impact on play – we were just as wild and goofy as ever. I was expecting a little bit of slow-down simply because it should  be harder to pedal with 4 layers of underpants on, but apparently that really has no effect on ability – go figure. The never-nudes were on to something.

Outside of remembering that my beard can indeed form icicles, the night brought the regular treasure trove of lessons and insights that I gather from any good night of pickup (ok – even the bad nights teach me a thing or two).

For one thing, I did pretty well with staying on offense. How-ev-er, I also knew when it was important to go back on defense or play in goal. Having the resolution to stay up and make all of those horrible shots is all well and good, but being able to balance that with defense is an important skill, too. The rule of wrist I use is this: if we are up by 2, or down by 1 with 1 minute or so to play, I’ll play up without regard for the goal. If we are down by 2, or up by 1 with a minute or so left to play, I’ll try not to cross the mid-court.

Also recognize, dear reader, that this isn’t a hard and fast rule. It’s more of a guideline for myself, really. Read more

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Crusher | January 2, 2013
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New Year, New Bike Polo

Well, the new year brings new things: the resolutions you drunkenly made your mind up on and can’t possibly achieve, the absolute disgust on looking back on your Facebook “Year in Review” and realizing you mostly stayed on couches and wore the same torn shirt to every tournament. But What kind of bike polo resolutions have you made for the New Year? I know you’re just bursting at the seams with them, but let me give you a few of mine:

Wear a Safari Hat to Every Tournament

Yes. It’s as simple as that. I was given a postal worker, plastic safari hat for Christmas and I’ll be damned if you won’t all see me in it. I’ll  be that guy.

Play Offense as Much as Defense

Playing goal is important – playing defense is just as if not more important. But offense is more fun and my weak point. Prepare for Crusher 2.0: more falling over and missing open goals.

Practice

For as much as I go on about the importance of playing bike polo outside of pickup (a la practice), I really don’t do enough of it. But recently I moved to a place that has a wide open parking lot, and I really have no reason to not bring the steed out of the stall and practice my off-side passing, shooting, and general mallet work. God forbid I actually start practicing what I preach.

Develop a “perfect for me” mallet, and make multitudes 

This is partially stolen from something Horse said, but it was a good idea: I want to figure out what mallet shaft/head/system works best for me and make a year’s worth of that setup. That way it’s predictable no matter which of my mallets I’m using and I don’t have to think about it. Naturally I’ll still get things to review and I’ll re-adjust based on new products available, but it’d be nice to have 3 perfect mallets that I can just grab and go with.

More Tourneys 

I’m not an “A” player–and that’s fine. But I do want to go to more tourneys for experience and also just for fun. If nothing else, I can do some Gonzo Poloism documenting, and that’s kind of my no-paycheck bread and butter.

Focus on New Players 

I’m a big proponent of getting fresh meat for the grinder, but I think 2013 will be as much a learning year for me as a mentoring year. I plan to help set up newbie days in the spring/summer at our other courts and work on getting newer players more comfortable with the game. It’s something that I think I would have benefited from when I started, and it’s my little contribution to the club and the sport in general.

 

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Crusher | December 10, 2012
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6 Reasons why I hate you

(Hate is a strong word, but it’s a good headline.) There are some people that I just hate to play with. It’s a fact. We get along pretty well in the polo world, for the most part, but sometimes there is just a player who makes me want to mallet hack to the face each and every game.

At least get a few mallet heads through the spokes – something!

It’s clearly not just the person, it’s the way they play or the way they approach play that makes me go nuts. It’s the manner, I guess, that can just set me off and make me want to throw the game (or your bike) just to get out of the match.

These are the six reasons I hate “you”:

  • You don’t remember it’s a game: I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be competitive, but for the love of God if you get angry in a game because of a bad call or a bad play, don’t carry it off the court. Play the game and be done with it. Nobody – and I mean this – nobody cares if someone wheel dicked you on purpose 15 minutes after it’s happened. Just shut that flapper you call a mouth and play your next game. It’s annoying.
  • You give up: Other side of the spectrum here, but there is nothing quite so disheartening as watching someone commit to a play, fail at that play, and then roll around on the court like a silk swaddled flower girl looking for clovers. Stay in the play, damn you! I can’t understand what you think spinning in a large circle and shaking your head is going to do for anybody. Knucklehead.
  • You are mean: Yeah, I mean it. Call me what you will, but being an outright jerk while playing isn’t the point of bike polo. It’s not to see how many friends you can piss off nor is it to determine how long you can go without smiling. You can be a devastating player and still tap mallets with your opponents when something awesome happens in the game.
  • You don’t look after your bike: 15 minutes off the court can save an ENTIRE GAME OF WAITING FOR YOU TO FIX YOUR BRAKES. If your at a tourney at you have a mechanical that should/could have been taken care off before the game, you should be slapped in the face with an Alligator Gar.
  • You think you’re perfect: Everyone needs to grow in the sport – newer players (and even veteran ones) have skills that need worked on. This doesn’t make you superior nor does it make you their personal coach. Offer help, yes, but don’t assume that every player who doesn’t have your level of skill wants your advice. Some people learn by listening, some by doing. Know the difference.
  • You think you’re a failure: So you messed up the play/can’t get the ball off the wall/can’t defend goal/can’t figure out how to pedal – I don’t care. Well, I do care, but I don’t care that you messed up. Get back on your bike, go after the ball, and try the same thing again. You’re only a failure if you give up, and even then it’s only Polo, so what does it matter? Talking about how much you suck isn’t good for anyone. Keep that negative Nancy stuff to yourself unless you follow it up directly with “how can I improve this?”

 

Ok – that’s my list of things that players do/say that drive me up a wall. How many am I guilty of? At least 4.

Category: Tips | Tags: , , ,
Crusher | October 19, 2012
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Level the Playing Field: How to Compete with Bike Polo Pros

First: “bike polo pros” is probably the stupidest phrase I’ve ever written, and I apologize for that.

However, the idea still sticks: how do you play against other players who have a clear and absolute advantage on you and/or your team? It’s not quite a good idea to play them the same way you’d play people at your own skill level, nor is it very entertaining to watch an entire team of people wet themselves and declare that they plan to take up badminton (anybody else know there was an N in that word?).

“If I spray this whole bottle into my mouth, Sally will kiss me FOREVER”

 

Believe it or not, dear reader, I’m not that good at bike polo. Yes—yes I know this is more of a shock than when you found out about Bianca Mouth Spray in middle school—but it’s true. This means a lot of my time is spent trying to work out just how to not get my saddle warmer handed to me.  I’m not saying that any of this advice is going to make you turn the game around and win it like [name any movie involving an underdog team in the history of the world], but you might at least make the game interesting to watch/be a part of.

Play Zone Defense, not Man Defense

A great polo player will be able to keep the ball from you, move past quickly, and pretty much make you look like you’re a panda playing with a stick.

I don’t know where that came from either, let’s move on.

So instead of trying to win in a 1 on 1 situation, try instead to play a zone defense: choose a part of your side of the court to defend, and defend that area when someone rolls into it. This serves to purposes. One, you aren’t clumping your players together (something that happens quite often when teams are unevenly matched and generally resulting in a pass and goal), and two, you have a higher likelihood of remaining in the play.

Charging the player who has the ball is almost never a good idea to start with, as you are out of the play as soon as they pass you – but it’s doubly bad against a strong player when you yourself are outmatched.

Over Communicate Read more

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Crusher | October 12, 2012
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First Contact: The Importance of Mallet and Ball Position

I spent a lot of time when I first started playing bike polo (who am I kidding, I still spend a lot of time) making sure that I hit the ball when I swung. I think I’ve reached a very respectable ratio of 1/62. Learning to get good contact is important for every player, but that won’t carry for the rest of your polo career.

Often enough, I see players who don’t have a problem with hitting the ball, but do have a problem with hitting the ball in a direction they mean it to go. Swinging hard might feel great, but if you can’t be sure where that laser is going to end up, you’re just betting on luck or a good bounce.

Instead of depending on outside chances, try to learn how the contact point of your mallet and the trajectory of your swing affect the shot’s direction.

First, the contact with the mallet: as surprising at is may seem, the ball goes different directions depending on where on the mallet you hit it with. Using this completely accurate and highly researched set of diagrams, you can see a few ways your mallet head can affect the direction of the ball:

Full Contact

The first is the most sought after and clearly the most predictable: hit the ball straight on with as much surface area of your mallet head as possible. This, generally speaking, makes the ball go straight (unless your swing is bowed, which I will explain after this little section rightch hur).

Basic: You’re hitting the ball straight on. It’s going straight, hopefully. That’s pretty stellar.

Advanced: Lasers in the goal all day. You’re able to line of your mallet with the ball no matter who is around you or how fast you’re going.

Ninja: You can shoot rockets in the form of passes, shots, and to simply get the ball around the defense. You’ve learned well, padwan.

 

Left Side Contact Read more

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Crusher | October 1, 2012
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Building the Fixcraft Bike – My Component Selections

As you know, dear polonaughts, I have the good fortune of testing the prototype of the HV1 bike polo specific bike by Fixcraft. So far I have the Fixcraft Disc hubs and nothing else from the prototype – but that’s all in due course. What I’d like to write about today are the other parts I’m getting/have gotten to build up the bike. I’ll also list all the hipster points I’ve achieved with my selections.

So, to begin: my polo bike will be one that isn’t available yet for general consumption and is also a limited edition.

Hipster Points +50

Working with my local bicycle mechanic (Horse), we took a hard look at what was good about my polo rig now and what could be changed. The very first thing (and the no-brainer) was the braking system.

Brakes

I currently have a BB5 front disc brake with some no-name lever. It works well enough, though I feel like I’m not getting the responsiveness I want from the pull and it doesn’t feel good, you know?

I’ve lost that loving feeling on it.

So for this new bike I’m going full force with the BB7 option front and back, and this little sweet number for my brake lever:

That’s right. The Paul dual brake lever.

Hipster Points +5.

With the Paul I’m expecting some nicer feel on the pull and with the dual BB7s some immediate response. This thrills me. Read more

Category: Equipment | Tags: , , , ,
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