Tag Archive for bike polo players

16 Signs You’re Turning into a Polo Player


How do you know you’ve made it as a polo player? Is it when you can scoop pass to yourself while spinning your wheels wicked fast? Is it when you can legitimately say that PBR is your favorite recovery drink? Is it when you stop asking dumb questions like that?

I’m from the internet, and I’m here to help:

  1. You think that facial hair is part of the required equipment
  2. Whenever you see a new building going up in your town, you scope out the gas pipe being delivered for the right inner diameter
  3. “Janky” has become a term you use to describe your bike, your house, your cat, your emotions, and the food you picked up before the tourney
  4. When on a bike ride, you spend more time trying not to check people than you do looking at the scenery
  5. You can guess  how long a person has played accurately by amount of stickers they have on their helmet
  6. Sleeping on a floor with carpeting excites you
  7. Somewhere in your bag is a bag of candy. You know it. Somewhere…
  8. Before getting onto a plane, you begin rehearsing your “no, it’s ALL hockey equipment. NO REALLY PLEASE DON’T LOOK THE SMELL IS HORRIBLE.”
  9. You have a corner of your basement for ski poles you cut too short, but aren’t willing to throw out
  10. You dream about court surfaces
  11. You might not know the phone numbers of all polo equipment manufacturers, but you know a guy who knows a guy who dated a girl who is now dating one of those guys. Totally in, you know?
  12. A visceral reaction occurs when someone says the word “taco.”
  13. You have a tan that only goes from your wrist to your elbow.
  14. You finish business meetings by saying “beer point.”
  15. It’s hard to explain to your coworkers what you did on the weekend.
  16. Adding “3 2 1” to the beginning of an event becomes more frequent (driving, standing up from a restaurant, sex, etc).

Rainy days and Fridays always make me drink

This post is about politics. No, not the politics of pachyderms and jackasses. Nor is it about the governing bodies of hardcore bike polo (<– for you Sabrina). This is about interclub politics. The esteemed Crushman for some reason felt that something should be written about it. Now, if you are one of those polo players who generate, or are magnets for, controversy – be it on court or off, please close this page and go find something else to waste your time. There will be nothing for you here. Likewise if you typically just fly above all the shitstorms in a cloud of blissful ignorance, same deal – go away and enjoy your life.

But if you are like me, and you feel compelled to have people get along within your club, then please read on. In some respects the idea that people should be able to avoid emotional conflicts while playing bike polo is absurd. We are, after all, engaged in a competitive, dangerous and dare I say – potentially violent activity. And to add to this recipe of volatility we have lots of grey areas in the rules which makes for plenty of personal interpretation. Over the few years we’ve been playing I’ve seen arguments over hacking, t-boning, tourney rosters, going too fast, playing too slow, undercutting, tailwhips, checking, too serious, not serious enough and a 100 others including my personal favorite… over-coaching. Read more