A recently non-published scientific study found that a staggering number of polo players seem to be suffering from a condition known as pololow. Pololow is especially common amongst players living in regions around the high and low latitudes which are exposed to climatic changes, making polo playing up to weeks in succession near to impossible.
The first symptoms appear with the falling of the leaves mid to late October (may vary), the researchers found a correlation between large numbers of leaves on polo courts and the slipping away of bicycles to induce to the first symptoms of pololow. The average playing speed decreased substantially during the 4 week observation period of polo players across the nation (players with courts that are not surrounded by trees were not affected). The onset of the condition will appear at the latest with the first snowfall and the coherent numbing (and subsequent aching) of toes in insufficiently insulated shoes.
For the unknown observer (Polo-Muggles aka Puggles) this form of depression may not be instantly noticeable, yet common withdrawal symptoms can include:
- Intense boredom
- Mood swings
- A loss of libido
- Bursting into tears when videos of polo tournaments are posted on facebook
- Some species of polo players report an uncontrolled yelling at traffic lights with each changing colour, the common phrase to be heard being “3, 2, 1.. POLO!”, followed by a hectic sprint.
A form of hibernation has also been observed amongst polo players, this form of metabolic suppression is commonly maintained by a regular inducement of mulled wine. The closing of christmas markets at the end of December considerably complicates the uptaking of these alcoholic beverages.
Other attempts at delaying the onset of this condition include taking a sudden interest in knitting, stamp-collecting and ironing undergarments. None of these attempts have proven successful in completely preventing the outbreak of pololow.
There is a scientific consensus that the acute lack of roofed playing grounds for polo players is responsible for the consistent rise in cases of pololow on a global scale. It cannot be ruled out, that the condition may reach an epidemic state within the coming years if a solution is not found.