A Quick Lesson in Slowing Down


I have moves. Moves like Jagger. But more like 70 year old Jagger and not 20 year old Jagger.

But those moves, they still exist–and they get me down to the goal.

Basically, I depend on the unwillingness of the other player to wait. I spend more time dancing the ball around with my mallet then I do dancing my bike around other players. It works out pretty well, because most other players have their heads so far in their own asses into the game that they can’t slow down. They’ll rush me, I’ll dart the ball away from them, and then they are effectively out of the play and I can keep marching forward.

JaggerWhen it works, it feels great. It’s like I dominated them without even trying (though it does take effort to be so calculated. Let’s give some credit). When it doesn’t work, it’s horrible, because I have very little momentum to work with.

This works particularly well when dealing with players who you know depend on their speed rather than their mallet-play. they will continue to dart at you head on, and this makes for a great opportunity to get them out of a playable position.

So, if you find that you aren’t exactly a racehorse on the court, consider strengthening your mallet work and learning how to become a tortoise: slow, steady and (relatively) unstoppable.

And super cute. That helps.

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  1. Trace says:

    When Crusher works his 70 year old Jagger moves it is beautiful, and effective. He literally just waddles down the court, making speedsters repeatedly strike and miss, and then, about 6 feet from the goal, pull some lefty-shit and score.
    FRUSTRATING and beautiful and lesson-teachin’ for his mates.

    • Crusher says:

      I was excited about this comment until we hit “literally just waddles” and then I was crying too much to read the rest.

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