You’re playing slayers–slayers with a capital s: Slayers. They started the game by biting the necks off of whiskey bottles and eating the glass. You look to your left and see your “offensive” player doing something kind of offensive in his pants. You look to your right and see your “defensive” player crawling up the boards to get out of the court.
You’ve had better days at polo.
You start the game and somehow, just after you start blinking and before opening your eyes, the opposing team scores a goal. You begin to say “How” but you only get to the hhhhuuuhhh in how before they steal the ball from your team and score again.
What do they feed these people? Crack rocks and angst?!
Calm down–take a deep breath–old papa Crusher is here to guide you through this experience.
First, and very first, remember that this will only be a single moment in your bike polo career (and judging by the way it’s going, probably a significantly short moment at that). It’s not that important, and there will be another day to fight the good fight.
Next, don’t just give up. God that’s boring to watch. Don’t do that slow roll around goal after they score on you for the third time in 3 minutes. Keep sharp, and keep believing you can at least make a dent in their armor of infallibility. If you’re at a tourney, this is a great time to start trash talking the other team unreasonably. Become a crowd favorite, get them to cheer EVERYTHING you do, even if it’s just holding the ball and shooting it away from your own goal. It’ll do a lot to pad you against what’s happening.
Also consider the mentality of the people playing against you: they might start getting sloppy. With the expectation of an easy slaughter, the other team might start daydreaming about other things. The trick is to be on your game as best as you can be. Plenty of better teams have been scored on by weaker teams simply because the stronger team begins ignoring bike polo basics.
Start taking unreasonable risks – Hell, you’re probably going to lose anyway, so start taking the long shots – the extra stretching for the ball. Start playing heroic music in your head and considering yourself the underdog team in the movie of your tourney match. Start humming that song to yourself, if you want.
Finally, make sure your team understands that you’re having fun, and make sure you’re actually having fun, too. This is perhaps the best way to turn the game around. When teams start taking things to seriously (especially losses), they fall into the self-fulfilling prophecy mode of the game. To hell with that noise. Keep your fun-level up and see what magic you can pull off.
See, that wasn’t so bad, right? Now steal some of the Slayers’ beer and call it a day.