6 Reasons why I hate you

(Hate is a strong word, but it’s a good headline.) There are some people that I just hate to play with. It’s a fact. We get along pretty well in the polo world, for the most part, but sometimes there is just a player who makes me want to mallet hack to the face each and every game.

At least get a few mallet heads through the spokes – something!

It’s clearly not just the person, it’s the way they play or the way they approach play that makes me go nuts. It’s the manner, I guess, that can just set me off and make me want to throw the game (or your bike) just to get out of the match.

These are the six reasons I hate “you”:

  • You don’t remember it’s a game: I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be competitive, but for the love of God if you get angry in a game because of a bad call or a bad play, don’t carry it off the court. Play the game and be done with it. Nobody – and I mean this – nobody cares if someone wheel dicked you on purpose 15 minutes after it’s happened. Just shut that flapper you call a mouth and play your next game. It’s annoying.
  • You give up: Other side of the spectrum here, but there is nothing quite so disheartening as watching someone commit to a play, fail at that play, and then roll around on the court like a silk swaddled flower girl looking for clovers. Stay in the play, damn you! I can’t understand what you think spinning in a large circle and shaking your head is going to do for anybody. Knucklehead.
  • You are mean: Yeah, I mean it. Call me what you will, but being an outright jerk while playing isn’t the point of bike polo. It’s not to see how many friends you can piss off nor is it to determine how long you can go without smiling. You can be a devastating player and still tap mallets with your opponents when something awesome happens in the game.
  • You don’t look after your bike: 15 minutes off the court can save an ENTIRE GAME OF WAITING FOR YOU TO FIX YOUR BRAKES. If your at a tourney at you have a mechanical that should/could have been taken care off before the game, you should be slapped in the face with an Alligator Gar.
  • You think you’re perfect: Everyone needs to grow in the sport – newer players (and even veteran ones) have skills that need worked on. This doesn’t make you superior nor does it make you their personal coach. Offer help, yes, but don’t assume that every player who doesn’t have your level of skill wants your advice. Some people learn by listening, some by doing. Know the difference.
  • You think you’re a failure: So you messed up the play/can’t get the ball off the wall/can’t defend goal/can’t figure out how to pedal – I don’t care. Well, I do care, but I don’t care that you messed up. Get back on your bike, go after the ball, and try the same thing again. You’re only a failure if you give up, and even then it’s only Polo, so what does it matter? Talking about how much you suck isn’t good for anyone. Keep that negative Nancy stuff to yourself unless you follow it up directly with “how can I improve this?”


Ok – that’s my list of things that players do/say that drive me up a wall. How many am I guilty of? At least 4.

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