Consumer Alert: Please Don’t Ever Do This

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There are a thousand ways to build a polo mallet (and, if you believe that enormous hyperbole, bully on you), but that doesn’t mean there are a thousand good ways to do it. While at the Carolina Classic Polo Hoedown Throwdown Showdown Clown Frown Charlie Brown II tourney, we Eastside kids noticed the Southeast crew rocking a rather unusual mallet shape. A mallet shape that you might very well attribute to a small group of ragtag vagabonds in the 13th century trying to defend their lands or a post-apocalyptic zombie killing apparatus:

Uh.

Uhhhhh.

No.

I’m all for inventiveness in the sport. Furthermore, I’m all for creating goofy things just for the sake of creating them and seeing how they work. How else are we to breed innovation and the next level of blah blah blah.

I also want to specify here that I’m not pulling the guy who made this mallet over the carpet. He saw a problem and tried to solve it – and I appreciate that kinda mindset.

But – there are some dogs that just won’t hunt, and I count the vampire slayer (my name, not theirs) as one of them. I’m not going to get into the particulars of why foam is a bad idea in a mallet – I think that’s a different conversation all together.

The reason behind the design, from what I can gather, is that it helps provide a bit of lift/scoop when you shoot and pass. While I suppose could be true – hell, probably is – there are a few factors that negate any advantage by giving your mallet an underbite.

If this sparkly SOB isn’t playing, keep your stakes at home, bub.

The biggest and most important element: you’ll hurt more people. You’ve essentially made a sharp end, and unless you’re playing against the nosferatu, there really isn’t a good reason for that. You’re also hampering your own ability to use the mallet to move the ball/shoot/learn to scoop without the assistance of the particularly shaped mallet.

You’re also creating a tricky business with catching the court before catching the ball – especially if you’re starting the shot from “behind” you.

All in all, I can’t condone this particular style of mallet head. I think it’s dangerous, ineffective, and ugly. It’s much more advantageous to learn how to scoop the ball in a week or two than it is to create a dangerous piece of equipment to help that process along.

So there’s your PSA for the day: don’t make the stake mallet. Think of the children and the children’s faces.

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16 comments

  1. Jay says:

    I don’t understand what the foam is supposed to do. Is it soft foam or the expanding stuff that hardens?

  2. sprinks says:

    It was that expanding foam. i think it was meant to act like a capped mallet head, but point of the article is the vampire hunter mallet head. There were so many of them. As eric said, it’s like the internet was never invented that weekend.

    • Alias says:

      “[I]t’s like the internet was never invented that weekend.”

      Lollin’ stong.

    • JP says:

      It’s really weird down here. Only two of our Winston Crew do any reading and research for polo. Hell our club only has one active member on LOBP!

    • Ann says:

      Sprinks, that is straight up not true. The mallet belongs to an Asheville player and it is THE ONLY ONE of it’s kind that we all know of. Most of Asheville uses ABS or HDPE not foam filled.

  3. Horse says:

    frightening amount of vampire stake mallet heads down there… so much sharp.
    But yea, he couldn’t get the cap to stay on so he foamed it. 5lb mallet head easy.

  4. Eric says:

    Honestly, that was a fairly tame one in comparison. There were a half-dozen or more mallets of super thin HDPE (and even PVC), cut at <45 degree angles, like damn bamboo spears or something. Facemask.

  5. Jay says:

    Did anyone take one in the face? Does everyone wear cages down there?

  6. Bob says:

    The South East is all about weird ass mallets

  7. polobo says:

    That’s less a” southeast” mallet than an Asheville mallet, right?

    • Crusher says:

      I don’t think this particular mallet was from an Asheville player.

      • JP says:

        Wasn’t Jackson giving his praise about his mallet with a similar design on the porch Friday evening? I thought it was an Asheville invention (or at least an Asheville normal) with a few natives sporting them.

        • Crusher says:

          No idea – I know Action Jackson has ‘em, but I saw folks from other clubs with them too. Maybe I’m wrong, but since I can’t be wrong on my own site, I doubt it.

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