So what do those terms actually mean?

Now that we’ve let Ed’s definitions stew for a day, here are the “actual” meanings behind the terms. And by “actual” I mean the way that Lancaster United uses them – and maybe some other polo players, too.

  1. Footdown – We all know this one, right? It’s when your little digits make contact with the surface of the earth, resulting in you removing yourself from play and “tapping” the middle of the court to enter play again. Ed was close, in that he made reference to a foot.
  2. Beer Point – When both teams want to quit, so the “next goal makes it” becomes the beer point. Because alcohol makes everything better.
  3. Lomax – Ed said this was a “Derogatory nickname for mustachioed men in bike helmets”, and I like that definition better than what it actually is: when you use your mallet to lift and swing the ball across your front wheel to release the ball on the other side of the bike (the other side of your mallet arm) to someone behind you. I realize this was done originally by someone else, but Lomax is the guy we saw do it.
  4. BJ – Ball Jointing. Cupping the ball from above and dragging it along the ground. 
  5. Shuffle – pushing the ball with the “long side” of the mallet.
  6. Wheeldick - While I like Ed’s definition here as well, a Wheeldick is when someone uses their mallet, intentionally or unintentionally, to pull another player’s tires from under them. 
  7. Blind Watson –  Well, I kinda think Ed got this right: “Hitting the ball randomly and magically scoring”. It’s when you are facing away from the goal and swing backwards in an attempt to score. If you make it, it is pretty magical.
  8. Dead Board – a board that doesn’t spring the ball back.
  9. Stoopid Goal - Ed got this right: Any goal scored by the ball bouncing off of someone’s tire and landing in their own team’s goal
  10. Around the World – Hitting the ball as hard as possible in order to get it to go around the back of the goal and over to the other side of the court.
  11. Maintain Maintenance – This is something Kyle used to say all the time. I think Ed’s definition is as valid as any: Just, you know guys, keep air in your tires and keep your bike chain greased. It’s common sense, really. Let’s be careful out there
  12. In the Oven – Within 5-10 feet of the goal.
  13. Rip It - When you hit the ball hard. But let’s switch to Ed’s definition:  “Command by the coach to stick your polo mallet stick into the spokes of someone else’s tire so that player’s bike will flip over and they will go flying in the air like that one Nazi in Indiana Jones 3.”
  14. Nice Wheel – blocking a shot with your wheel.
  15. He Burped It – When someone either rolls over the ball and it shoots out, or they try to shoot it and mess up.
  16. Five Hole – Ed’s definition is the one I’m going to use from now on: “A polo player with a reputation for being sexually creative and/or unresponsible
  17. BB – Bottom Bracket
  18. Goal Troll - We use it as someone who falls into the goal. but Ed is pretty damned close: “ Some douche who is too afraid to get into the mix and just hovers near the goal the whole game”
  19. Taco’d – When your wheel gets bent up, crunch style.
  20. Homogenization – I made it up.
  21. Bob Ross In the Gas Tank - I made this one up, too.
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  1. Trace says:

    As usual, truth is stranger than fiction.

  2. Ed says:


    Well played on the last two, by the way. :)

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