5 Things I Learned From Polo: Suxxor Edition

Howdy kids,

Every once and a great while, I do amazingly, terrifically, unbelievably badly at polo. So much so that I want to:

a. Sell my Polo Bike

b. Sell my mallets and wheel covers

c. Use that money to buy liquor

d. Drink that fine $25.50 worth of Colt 40s

Top of the key, Maude!

A geriatric on a hover-round would have done better than I did list last go around. I’m telling you all this, my polokin, so you understand the frame of mind I was in while, quite literally, getting schooled left and right.

  1. You are going to suck – No matter how good you are, you think you are, or others think you are; you are going to have games that are super duper lametastic. There is very little you can do about this and, quite honestly, you need to have these days. The trick of it is to just allow it to happen. Think of the Dude and abide.
  2. Sometimes it’s better to stay out of the play – I have the great fortune of playing with a group of really spirited, excellent players. Sometimes my style of play doesn’t quite fit what is needed, and I do more harm than good. If you notice that you’re disrupting the plays of your own team-members, maybe it’s time to keep back and be the clean-up/defense crew. I’m not saying avoid playing at all – but if your two other team mates are on fire, let them NBA Jam that magic all the way to the burning hoop.
  3. 3. It’s a stupid game – Kyle (of amazing ball control/nonsense language fame) is legendary for saying “stupid game” after a game where he didn’t perform as well as he would have liked. I used to think of this as his way of trying to justify how he didn’t live up to his own expectations. But much like a Buddhist monk, Kyle has simply demonstrated a truth that I should have known all along, grasshopper: don’t let anything become that serious. By releasing yourself from thinking of things as so bloody important, your open to dismiss any horrific bloodbath you created with a simple phrase. Next time you mess up or have a bad match, just say “well, that was dumb.” Make a face at someone, too. You’ll feel better, turkey burger.
  4. If you act like a pisser, you’re going to bring everyone down – Ok, so you’re doing really badly. Great, good job. But don’t act like a little nincompoop and bring everyone down to huffy-town with you. Last night I got so frustrated with myself by the last game that I just headed straight for my car and left without saying anything to anyone. I then proceeded to snap at my best friend for asking me what was wrong, and pretty much convinced him that it was his fault. Totally not worth it. I was OK with my shoddy playing pretty much by the time I got home, but I created a situation where my BFF forever and I had to resolve a silly issue of guilt/anger, AND people were concerned about me. It’s really wonderful to know that my Polonaughts have my best interest in mind and care about my deep down gushy feelings – but at the same time, I shouldn’t be a Debbie Downer to them. Moody Margaret? Grumpy Gus? Bitchy Beth? Dumb Daniel?
  5. Work on ball control – There is nothing more infuriating than not having that little bastard of a ball go where you want it to. Instead of kicking the dog when you get home, do something about it. Spend time pushing a ball around a parking lot or tennis court. Get used to how it behaves when you push it as opposed to tapping it.  Try threading through your frame. It will give you a good advantage when playing: Less surprises means more success.
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One comment

  1. Trace says:

    I always get all jazzed when I see you posted, and yet again you have done an amazing job of nailing the unspoken truths of polo and, well, life.

    I know oh-so-well that feeling of playing lametastic, but this too shall pass.

    Thanks Jew Bear.

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